


Comradery

by AuroraNova



Series: The Vadari Chronicles [9]
Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Gen, M/M, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-25
Updated: 2019-06-25
Packaged: 2020-05-19 14:12:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19358620
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AuroraNova/pseuds/AuroraNova
Summary: “Have I mentioned how glad I am you’re here?”It's a good thing emotional baggage doesn't take up physical space, or Julian and Garak's combined wouldn't fit in their apartment. Still, neither of them is alone.





	Comradery

**Author's Note:**

> I know you're all eager to see what Julian does about his feelings for Garak, but we're not there yet. I swear I'm not trying to tease, just work on some issues I see as realistic.

On day four of considering whether he wants a romantic relationship with Garak and if it’s even a possibility, Julian gets a completely different insight regarding his friend.

Garak has a newscast playing on the computer, which includes video from Cardassia. That’s unusual – evidently interest in Cardassia is minimal – and Garak is practically glued to the chair.

“The population appears to have a thirst for blood,” remarks one of the news hosts.

“Of course they do,” mutters Garak. “Someone has to be guilty.”

Julian asks, “Can’t that be the Dominion?”

Garak doesn’t reply, as he’s busy watching the video clip of a large protest.

“Some people want those who worked against the Dominion to be tried for their role in provoking the attack,” says the host, sounding rather bored with the whole segment. “Others, meanwhile, believe Cardassia’s former leaders should pay the price. One of the top military leaders, Legate Ra’Tonn, suffered a non-fatal wound in an assassination attempt yesterday. Experts say his death could push Cardassia further into chaos.”

That’s when it clicks for Julian. He waits until the news moves on to Betazed’s reconstruction, whereupon Garak shuts off the report, and says, “That’s why you left.”

“Hmm?”

“Your profile was high enough to attract assassination attempts from both sides, wasn’t it?”

“Assassination attempts aren’t uncommon in Cardassian politics, if usually more subtle.”

Yes, Julian has gotten it right. Cardassia is an antimatter chamber with a failing containment field, and as long as Garak was there, he was an ever-growing risk of total collapse. However much Garak wants to be home, he loves Cardassia enough to leave if doing so will offer a better chance of stability.

“You refused to be the catalyst for the total breakdown of order,” he says. There may well be more to the story, but this is at least part of it.

In most societies, Julian would think that eventually tempers will cool and it will be safe to return home. Garak has already said he doesn’t foresee going back to Cardassia. Going off what Julian has gathered over the years from Garak’s remarks and a great deal of literature, Cardassians nurture an unsurpassed ability to hold grudges. While Garak has no love for Shakespeare and finds most of the plays absurd in varying degrees, one aspect he immediately grasped was the feud central to _Romeo and Juliet_. Cardassians have long memories for loathing, which Julian considers to their detriment.

Meanwhile, Garak remarks, “And Section 31 didn’t kill you because they correctly assumed that using you to reignite fears of the genetically enhanced is a greater punishment. Though such a level of hatred suggests more than you simply happening to cure their disease.”

Right. They’ve agreed not to prod each other’s pain. Julian clears his throat. “Yes, well, they’re big on revenge.”

“Revenge for what, I wonder?” A mild glare does nothing to stop Garak. “Well, if you’re going to theorize about why I’m here, I ought to be able to do the same.”

“Alright, you’ve made your point.” Julian turns to get his pajamas and take a shower, but he’s stopped by Garak’s hand on his shoulder.

Oddly for the man pushing this conversation, Garak is uneasy. “I have never considered offering comfort to be my strong suit, but if you ever wish to discuss whatever bothers you about this topic, I will listen without judgement.”

“Am I that obvious?”

“On four occasions, the latest being two nights ago, you have spoken in your sleep. Most of the words are slurred to the point of incomprehensibility, but I have distinctly heard you speak of ‘the cure.’”

Julian can never tell anyone else, and he really needs to get this sleep talking under control. Technically he shouldn’t tell Garak either, but if there’s one thing Garak can be relied upon for, it’s keeping secrets. He’s also the person most likely to understand.

To his own surprise, Julian finds he wants to share. Part of the desire stems from the small voice wondering, if he were to start a relationship, would it be under false pretenses? Pretending to be more morally sound than he proved when his back was against the wall? Maybe it’s nonsense to worry about that with Garak, of all people, but he needs to know anyway.

Garak, at least, has always been perfectly clear that his morality considers only Cardassia.

“You’re sure we haven’t been bugged?”

“Why you call surveillance devices insects, I’ll never know.” Julian remembers this conversation. Garak speaks fluent Federation Standard, but that doesn’t mean idioms all make sense to him. “Regardless, I am sure, though I would consider your office at the hospital compromised until proven otherwise.”

Julian swallows hard and sits on the couch. Garak follows and simply waits.

“It’s not even classified,” Julian says. “Officially, it never happened.”

“A hallmark of the most secretive missions.”

It’s all Julian can do not to look away. “I didn’t cure the morphogenic virus. Not really.”

Garak gives no outward sign of reaction whatsoever.  

“I stole the cure from a Section 31 agent’s mind,” admits Julian.

“Very effectively, it seems.”

“That’s it? That’s all you have to say? I sent a falsified report to Starfleet Medical claiming to have found the cure, captured the agent sent to stop me, and subjected him to a Romulan mind probe. Then, when Sloan activated his suicide implant, we hooked up a neural interface. I broke half a dozen laws, twice as many Starfleet Medical regulations, and every standard of ethics I hold dear. I became what I despise about them, I dragged Miles into the mess with me, and I proved everyone who says Augments can be dangerous right.”

Julian leans back, wrung out from the admission. It’s done now, and Garak can make of it what he will.

“Anyone can be dangerous when desperate,” says Garak, perfectly calmly as though they’re discussing the weather. “Would you do it again?”

“Yes,” Julian says, almost at a whisper. “I didn’t have enough time. Odo would’ve died. Likely the entire Great Link, as well.”

“Leaving us with angry Vorta and Jem’Hadar with no one to control them. You helped win the war, which is to be commended.”

“I had to play by their rules.” At the time, he didn’t like it but ploughed ahead out of necessity, and then he found himself discharged and had to make a life out of Starfleet. Now, having had time to think about it, Julian wonders just how much of himself he lost in the process of acquiring that cure. He’s been trying not to think about it for weeks now, but it was obviously a losing battle once he started to consider how the truth might change Garak’s perspective of him.

“If they underestimated you, they have only themselves to blame.”

“I might have come up with the cure eventually, but it would’ve taken weeks, probably even months.”

“By which point there would be no one left to save.”

“Not at the rate Odo was dying.”

“You once told me that taking on a burden so others don’t have to is a type of nobility,” Garak says. “Do you no longer believe that to be the case?”

“Intellectually, I still think so, but I don’t feel noble.” On reflection, that’s probably a good thing. Sloan envisioned himself a valiant defender of the Federation, so Julian’s guilt shows he’s not like Section 31 at heart.

“Personally, I think the results speak for themselves, but if you of all people considered your actions acceptable, I can’t imagine a stricter test of Federation morality. If you’re expecting condemnation, you’re not going to get any from me. I know a thing or two about distasteful actions undertaken for the greater good.”

Since Garak is going out of his comfort zone to reassure, Julian doesn’t quibble over actual greater good versus indoctrinated belief thereof, as much as he’d like a lively debate to change the subject about now. Besides, Garak hated giving the Federation Alliance information to kill Cardassians, but he did it for the purely patriotic goal of freeing his people from the Dominion. That, Julian will never argue.

“I’m learning to live with myself,” he says. “In fact, I’m learning to live with many less than ideal situations.”

“I have some experience there as well,” replies Garak.

There’s an understatement. “Have I mentioned how glad I am you’re here?”

“It was implied when you declined a single apartment for my benefit, yes.”

Julian gives Garak’s hand a quick squeeze. “Thank you, Elim. I do feel a bit lighter now, and I’ll try to stop bothering you with sleep mumbling.” He’s not sure how, exactly. Some research is called for.

“My tendency to wake at the slightest noise is in no way your responsibility.”

And with that, they move back into less fraught conversational territory, to mutual relief. For a man who claims (and honestly believes, Julian can tell) not to be good at comfort, Garak has succeeded very well in offering it.

Julian thinks he’s a bit further down the road to accepting what he’s capable of, now. It was the right thing, no matter how unpleasant. He’s also glad to know it doesn’t ruin any chance of the relationship he can’t stop thinking about, but for now, it’s enough to know Garak’s perception of him hasn’t changed drastically for the worse.

He doesn’t remember any of his dreams the next morning, and considers it a good sign.


End file.
